...ripped from the headlines...

From this headline, to be specific:

New Zealand Man Gets Eel Stuck Up His Butt

Which, me being me, inspired the following (which I offer with all appropriate apologies to Harry Warren and Jack Brooks. And what the heck, to Dean Martin, too):

When you sit on an eel
And he bites, so you squeal
That's a moray!
When he crawls up your ass
So you can't pass your gas
That's a moray!

Feel him squirm
Wriggles like a worm
Hope he won't stay perm-
'Nently up there
You dumb nut
Shoulda clamped it shut
When you plopped your butt
In that beach chair
(Next time, take care)

Wheeeeeen
Yoooooooou
Sit on a snake
With a big double take
That's a moray!
When you can't get him out
And you scream and you shout
From the pain
When he's crawled up your hole
Which was never your goal on this fo-o-ray
Though you pray, there he'll stay
And in Auckland, they'll say
That's a moray!